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Rise of the Phoenix

March 08, 2008
21:42
bandana print shirts berserk off immigration to ...
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February 08, 2008
1:37
Bye Bye Phoenix
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I'm going to keep blogging but definitely not in this space. What's the point in blogging anonymously when people that i know are stalking my blog. I loved having this blog and i'm going to miss it.
February 06, 2008
13:29
One down..........................
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I was forced to restrict my blog for a few days cos my sister and her so called husband had nothing better to do than to read my blog and send me silly text messages. I'm at the point in my life where i refuse to be bothered by immaturity. I thot about closing this blog for a minute because i honestly felt like my space has been violated by people who have nothing better to do with their time, obviously. I had to sit down and think about the reason why i started blogging in the first place and i concluded that no one can run me off blogging unless i decide i no longer want to blog. I could decide to start afresh and change my url and username, but i'm already attached to my blogsville identity, so everything will remain the same. However, i have decided to take down all my previous posts just because my anonymity has been compromised.

I went to my med school interview today and it really wasn't bad at all. They didn't even ask tough questions. They kind of focused on my Nigerian background and that made the questions easier. Based on their attitudes, i'm guessing my personal statement was really moving or eloquent. I got the impression that they felt i had been through a lot. At one point they couldn't even find questions to ask me. The one doctor asked me why my MCAT score was so low because i have a very high GPA. So i told him i had to work 2 jobs and try to complete my honors thesis at the same time i was trying to study for the exam, and he said that's what he thought (How nice). Funny enough, it was the "tell me about urself" question that got me flustered. They asked me that in the middle of the interview and after saying one sentence, i froze. Brain went blank. So i stopped and said, "i apologise cos i'm really nervous", and both interviewers did their best to calm me down and reassure me that they were just trying to get to know me. They were so nice.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this one. This has been my dream for as long as i remember. I have worked so hard and endured so much because i was keeping my eyes on the prize. I hope i'm accepted into this school, but if not, i'll keep struggling until i get in.
January 31, 2008
11:46
.......Stuff
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I haven't spoken to my sister, cos i'm a little mad at her right now, but i understand that it's her life and what's done is done. I'm more concerned with my interview on feb 6th. I've officially started freaking out. Honestly, i just applied to osteopathic med school, just because. I am taking the MCAT again in May, but now that i have this interview, i have found out that this is a really good school and osteopathic doctors are equivalent to regular doctors in every way. I have heard so many good things about the school and when i saw how people were gushing about the school, it has made me think twice. Now i'm freaking out cos all of a sudden it's now a big deal.

Honestly, if i get in, i'm not taking that damn MCAT again, or maybe i will just to satisfy myself that i've not become a dumb ass. But still getting into this school would be awesome, cos i can have some peace of mind that come August i have somewhere to go.

Now that i have graduated i have now officially become a driver/housemaid/cook in my house. Yes, i said cook, my brother will eat anything as long as he doesn't have to cook it himself. All these house work, i don't like. I escaped it for so long cos i was always so busy with school, now i have no excuse. There's no homework or test or project or presentation or quiz or 15 page paper or critical evaluation, or research. Nothing! I don't miss school at all, but i miss my psychology classes. I loved those, each and every single one of them, except physiological psychology which was a bitch. I still made an A in it though, i couldn't let it ruin my perfect psychology GPA. As much as i love psychology, i don't know y i don't want to be a psychologist. It would have made my life so much easier.

Anyway, i'm off to go do dishes. Y'all need to pray that God gives me the strength not to strangle my lazy ass brother one of these days. It doesn't matter what language u say it in, he never understands the sentence, "wash ur plate when u are done, or don't leave ur dirty dishes in the sink". I have screamed until i was blue in the face. I might as well be talking to a deaf person. His favorite thing to do these days is to leave the dirty dishes in his room. Disgusting little rat. He thinks he's smart. I love him to death, but i'm so sorry for the woman he'll eventually marry.

I'm off to Florida for the weekend. My sister in the military is graduating from something, so it's party all the way.
11:46
.......Stuff
» ‎ Read entry @ Rise of the Phoenix

I haven't spoken to my sister, cos i'm a little mad at her right now, but i understand that it's her life and what's done is done. I'm more concerned with my interview on feb 6th. I've officially started freaking out. Honestly, i just applied to osteopathic med school, just because. I am taking the MCAT again in May, but now that i have this interview, i have found out that this is a really good school and osteopathic doctors are equivalent to regular doctors in every way. I have heard so many good things about the school and when i saw how people were gushing about the school, it has made me think twice. Now i'm freaking out cos all of a sudden it's now a big deal.

Honestly, if i get in, i'm not taking that damn MCAT again, or maybe i will just to satisfy myself that i've not become a dumb ass. But still getting into this school would be awesome, cos i can have some peace of mind that come August i have somewhere to go.

Now that i have graduated i have now officially become a driver/housemaid/cook in my house. Yes, i said cook, my brother will eat anything as long as he doesn't have to cook it himself. All these house work, i don't like. I escaped it for so long cos i was always so busy with school, now i have no excuse. There's no homework or test or project or presentation or quiz or 15 page paper or critical evaluation, or research. Nothing! I don't miss school at all, but i miss my psychology classes. I loved those, each and every single one of them, except physiological psychology which was a bitch. I still made an A in it though, i couldn't let it ruin my perfect psychology GPA. As much as i love psychology, i don't know y i don't want to be a psychologist. It would have made my life so much easier.

Anyway, i'm off to go do dishes. Y'all need to pray that God gives me the strength not to strangle my lazy ass brother one of these days. It doesn't matter what language u say it in, he never understands the sentence, "wash ur plate when u are done, or don't leave ur dirty dishes in the sink". I have screamed until i was blue in the plate. I might as well be talking to a deaf person. His favorite thing to do these days is to leave the dirty dishes in his room. Disgusting little rat. He thinks he's smart. I love him to death, but i'm so sorry for the woman he'll eventually marry.

I'm off to Florida for the weekend. My sister in the military is graduating from something, so it's party all the way.
January 28, 2008
12:15
Not right
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Thanks a lot for all the comments on my previous post. I now have a good idea on how to answer the tell me about urself question. My sister got married despite what everyone told her. Her excuse or reasoning is that it is not the "real" wedding/marriage. Hellooooooooooooo.............. that's the person u want to marry for real, so how is it not real? My father is outraged, but he can't do anything about it. He's here, she's in Nigeria and the deed has already been done.

Honestly, i wonder how much influence living in America has had on my sister. I don't know whether if she would have dared to do what she did if she had never come here. We've all become "americanized" in a lot of ways. Does tradition and custom not matter anymore? How about the perceived disrespect by the boy's family towards my family? I am a very liberal person, but still i don't know if i would be able to get married just like that, real or fake. It's hard to fathom how she could do that. It's not like we were against her marrying the guy anyway, they've been engaged since 2006, we just wanted things to be done the right way. How can u get married (as a Nigerian) without a single family member present. It's not right.

By the way, the guys family is very much aware of the situation. His mother was in total support of the whole thing, that's y my sister said she couldn't back out cos she didn't know how she would tell them. They are in support becos they think it will speed up the process of him getting his papers to come here. Mind u, these are not poor pple. The father was a senator and has run for governor of my state a couple of times. Y they need my sister to help their son get papers to come here, i don't know. I just found out yesterday that their other brother who got married last yr, is also using his wife to get british citizenship. The thing is my sister has been with this guy for 10 yrs, they started dating in high school, so i don't think he's out to use her, but still the way the whole thing went down is shady. She went home on vacation, not to get married.
January 25, 2008
10:29
Sniff
» ‎ Read entry @ Rise of the Phoenix

I got my first med school interview for feb 6th. I was initially freaking out, but i have calmed down. I'm going to go get an interview suit this weekend, and find someone to practice interviewing with. I have a serious question though, how do u answer "tell me about urself?". It seems like a very simple questions, but i find it very difficult to answer it because i keep wondering what exactly about myself i need to talk about. I'm going to Florida next weekend, so hopefully i can practice with my sister.

My younger sister on the other hand, has been in naija since dec 21st. She went to spend time with her fiance, only for her to say that she has decided that she wants to get married to him b4 coming back so that she can file for him. I was like WTF?!!! She wants to go to a registry and get married with no family around. Worst of all, she's saying it's not the real wedding, she just wants to do it cos she doesn't know when she'll be able to go back to Nigeria. I just find something very wrong with that situation. First of all, it's like she's giving herself to this boy just like that. Maybe I'm tripping, but I'm not okay with it at all. Nigerians don't do shit like that. I thot getting married was supposed to be a big deal. How's the boy's family going to respect her when she just gave herself away like that?

I told her that i don't support her. My mom told her not to do it, but knowing my sister as well as i do, she's going to get married and not tell us cos she knows we are against it. I'm just confused. I feel bad for not supporting her, but i don't think she's doing things the right way.

My main problem right now is that the wire in my braces popped out in the back of my mouth and it is sticking the inside of my cheek really bad. I can't get it fixed until Monday. I'm so miserable right now.
January 18, 2008
4:27
Throw down in the Kitchen
» ‎ Read entry @ Rise of the Phoenix

Seeing how it's a new year, i've decided to stop lying to myself and my friends that i know how to cook. Turns out that my friends didn't believe me anyway. So, back in the day whenever my mom was cooking, she'll scream (and i say scream cos it was always a battle) for us to come downstairs and watch her cook. I learned how to make a mean pot of stew, jollof rice and beans and all the fried stuff. So that's basically what i really know how to cook. As for soups and the other stuff, my mom would never let us cook it ourselves and honestly i wasn't too interested. My mom is an awesome cook, i know everyone says that about their mom but this woman can throw down in the kitchen. So in essence i know how to make a lot of dishes theoretically, but i've never actually made them. She doesn't want to admit it, but all my mom's kids are spoiled. She will never let u do anything. We always had people living with us.

The first time i cooked soup by myself was when i came down here. My Step-mom (who's not Nigerian) just assumed that i knew how to cook so she put me in charge of making my dad's dinner. Well, i had to make a distress call to my mom in Nigeria, and that's how i got to learn how to cook egusi and okra soup. It was then i realised that u can know how to make something theoretically, but if u've never done it, it's still hard. So i added okra and egusi to the list. Cool. My first christmas in the States, i made the jollof rice. My mom would never let me near the kitchen on Christmas day in Nigeria, not to talk of cooking the whole dish.

Fast forward 6 yrs later, my friends came for my graduation and we got talking. Seeing how my mom was pampering everybody, they started saying that there's no way in this world that i know how to cook. Even before they came down, they would always say i don't look like i know how to cook. I'll always say that i know how to cook, but i don't cook. Hmmmm............. The funny thing is that i don't have a problem telling guys i don't cook. Then 2 days ago one of my friends told me she was telling a guy friend that was asking about me that the only problem he would have with me is that i don't know how to cook. I screamed!!! I was like why would u tell him that? She just made it seem like i don't even know how to boil water. She then had the audacity to be asking me if i know how to make stew, i felt like slapping her through the phone.

In 2006, when my sister when to the UK to spend time with her fiance, she had to be cooking for the family. It was so funny, becos she is worse than me. Before my mom came to chill with us, i was the one cooking for her and my brother. Christmas day, she called so my mom could tell her how to make fried rice (i didn't know how to make fried rice either at the time). We teased the hell out of her when she came back. I was like, what u refused to do at home, u had to do it by force. So that's when she got serious for my mom to teach her how to cook. They'll call me when they cooking, but i really wasn't interested. But now after receiving all the teasing and "insults" from my friends i decided to start cooking.

I went to farmer's market and bought stuff to make stew, okra soup,vegetable soup and pepper soup. I made the stew, which was awesome as far as i'm concerned, but can u believe my mom was like i didn't add nutmeg to season the meat. In my mind i was like wetin dey do this woman? Then the next morning, i woke up and what did i see? My mom was already cooking the pepper soup and okra soup. I was so mad cos i told her i wanted to do it myself. That's why we don't know how to cook, cos she wants to do everything by herself. I just felt like she sabotaged my efforts. Why could she not make just one of the soup, did she have to make both? I told her the day before i wanted her to show me, not cook it.

Hopefully, by the end of this year i would be a master chef in the art of cooking Nigerian food. Maybe i'll discover that i like cooking by the end of this journey. I guess one of my motivations is cos my crush assumes that i know how to cook. Even when i tried to correct that assumption he was like, where are u from again? Meaning, as long as i'm Nigerian i should know how to cook. Interesting stuff. Well, since i'm willing to learn there's hope for me right? LOL!!! I'm going to put my friends to shame with their big mouths.
January 16, 2008
7:34
Tagged by xhale
» ‎ Read entry @ Rise of the Phoenix
Two Names you go by:
- That's kinda hard to answer if i want to remain "anonymous"
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
- Supergirl Hoodie
- Khaki pants
Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship
- Trust
- Lots and lots of attention
Two of your favorite things to do
- Read Historical romance novels
- Draw cartoons or watch animated movies
Two things you want very badly at the moment:
- Get a real high MCAT score
- Get a scholarship to med school
Two pets you had/have:
- Cats: Jamie and Lucy
- Dog: Bailey (I'll always love u Bailey and i'm so sorry)
- Parakeets: Ping and Bleu (God help me not to kill those noisy heifers one day)
Two people you think will fill this out
- I have no clue
Two things you did last night
- Talk on the phone
- Think about the whys of my recent actions
Two things you ate last night:
- Jollof rice
- Very Vanilla silk soymilk and turkey
Two people you last talked to
- Crush
- Brother (Crazy ass! He's driving me crazy today)
Two longest car rides
Haven't really had long car rides
- GA to FL
- Benin to Lagos
Two favourite holidays
- Christmas
- Thankgiving
Favourite Beverages
- Silk soymilk
Person no longer alive you'd like to talk to
- Ena
- My Grandmother (who's my guardian angel by the way)
January 15, 2008
5:26
Urghhh!!!!
» ‎ Read entry @ Rise of the Phoenix

Yesterday, i did something so out of character i still haven't come to terms with it. Did i take leave of my senses or i put my brain on pause? I'm left with all these negative emotions; guilt, shame, and at the same time the knowledge that i can't change anything that happened.

i'm always totally open and honest about my life, to my friends and on this blog, but I can't imagine saying this to anybody. What the fuck did i just do? How do i stop feeling guilty or ashamed of myself? I could pretend like it never happened, but that would only work for like a second becos i really find it hard to deceive myself.

I am so mortified at my actions. OMG! I can't believe i did that. How am i going to come to terms with what i did and get over it. I need my therapist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although i can't even imagine telling her. I'm so ashamed, and on top of that i think i've lost my mind also.

NOTE: I did not kill anyone, steal anything, or tell any lie (expect by omission), but i'm pretty sure my guardian angel grandmother will be turning in her grave right now.

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