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My Life - Uncensored & Unscripted

May 23, 2008
14:07
Six Quirks About Me
» ‎ Read entry @ My Life - Uncensored & Unscripted

To all the people who tagged me, I say: UNA DO WELL OOO!!! If not that I have the fear of God in me ehn, I for show una shege! Who told you people I wanna be tagged? Respect urselves ooo! If this happens again, I cannot promise not to break a few fingers. Ehen..

The Rules:

1. Link the person who tagged you to this post - Dark ElCee, Aloof, & Standtall

2. Mention the rules in your blog - Yes, that's what you're reading right now.

3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours - Only six?? Ok

4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them - I'll do that @ the end of my post

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged - I'll do that as soon as I publish this post.

Six Quirks Bout Me:

1. I play with my breasts. It's not sexual, but I just can't stop. It's been a [bad] habit since I was a kid. I have tried to stop, but I can't. I always catch my hand in my shirt doing God-knows-what. Sometimes, I hold the entire breast; sometimes, just the nipple. I hold the steering wheel with my left hand and hold my breast with my right hand. I've been caught at traffic lights by male drivers, and they've usually given me the you-don't-have-to-do-it-yourself look. I've had to zoom off as soon as the light turns green.

2. I talk to myself. I know most people do, but when I talk to myself, I count my syllables. I add up the syllables of all the words I have spoken to myself, and I make sure they are even. I don't want my speech to myself to be odd. Example: I won't say "Oh God, look at that" because it's 5 syllables. I'd rather say "Oh, my God, look at that" because it's six syllables.

3. I won't order pizza with pineapples on it, but I don't mind eating it. The catch is that I must pick all the pineapples out. Now here is the weird part: I'll eat the pineapples as long as I throw a piece in my mouth, and then take a bite of pizza. It makes no sense. I might as well eat the pizza with the pineapple on it. But I can't. I have to separate them, and then eat them together,

4. When I'm doing number two (AKA 'shitting'), I make sounds as if I'm pushing a baby. I even tell myself to push. I breath thru pursed lips and wipe the invisible sweat on my forehead. Then I'll keep screaming things like "Yam, you did this to me!"... depending on what I ate before doing number two. If it's Chinese food, I'll say, "Chinese food, you did this to me!!" I guess when I'm in real labor, I'll say [insert my future husband's name here], you did this to me!"

5. I'm obsessed with greeting cards. I love giving them as much as I love receiving them. I have sooooo many cards for my future husband. I even have cards for our first wedding anniversary. Now that I have the cards ready, all I need is the husband. That shouldn't be too difficult, right? LOL. I have birthday cards for guys, girls, and even kids. I have Valentine cards for my future hubby too. It's a sad, sad case, I tell you. I'm ashamed of even admitting it.

6. I keep weird things. In 2004 (or was it 2003), my marine friend gave me a pack of gum. I am yet to eat it; I never will. In February of this year, a six year old boy gave me a lolipop for Valentine. I'm also yet to eat that. I keep the little papers that are tucked inside fortune cookies; I keep movie tickets & put the names of the owners on them, and of course, I keep cards too. I still have cards from seven years ago.

7. (call this extra credit). I'm a sniffer. I sniff my bed; I sniff the couch; I sniff my purse; I sniff my wallet; I sniff the inside of my car (I've thought about sniffing my engine, but I haven't done so yet); I sniff people; I sniff my hair (fake or real); I sniff my stuffed animals; I sniff my pet fish, Philip (So far, I have been able to withstand the temptation of perfuming him). When I get my German Shepherd dogs, I will sniff them too. I will sniff my future husband & children. I sniff my clothes, shoes, and jewelry. I even sniff my keys. (What normal person sniffs keys? I do. Yes, I refer to myself as 'normal'). I sniff my laptop, my books, my pens, my breasts, my underarms, my hands, my feet...everything that is sniffable gets sniffed. Did you know that our sense of smell is our strongest one? I think I have an itty bitty problem with smell. This is evidenced by the following:

- The perfumes I have (over 30...and still counting)
- The 7 air freshners in my car (lucky number 7??)
- The perfume in my purse (in case I forget to perfume @ home)
- The endless list of perfumes I'm still gonna get (and they are not cheap! Somebori help me please; I'm broke!)
- The 3 air fresheners in the bathroom.
- The liquid air freshners in the living room (those ones you pour in a little thingy and place a lighted candle underneath them. What are they called again??
- And of course, the Febreeze fabric freshener I always spray on the couch.

P.S. I refuse to vacuum without carpet deodorizer!

And on the day that I vacuum, I refuse to cook! If I cook, the smell of the food will spoil the smell of the carpet deodorizer. I'd rather stay hungry than compromise the smell of the carpet.

Feel free to call me weird. You won't be the first.

I tag the following people: Black James Bond, Tobenna, The Last King of Scotland, Babasola, Boorish Male, Tayo Odukoya.

Did anyone notice I tagged only guys?? Sorry ladies, today is not your day. LOL. If you've already done the tag...oh well.

UPDATE: Standtall suggested that I tag Funmie...in spite of her being female *rolling eyes*. So Funmie, consider yourself tagged!
May 14, 2008
23:01
Happy Birthday, Funmie!!!
» ‎ Read entry @ My Life - Uncensored & Unscripted

This is a scheduled post. If it appears on my blog on Thursday, May 15th 2008 @ 12:01 AM, then that means it made it on time. If not....oops!

Today is Funmie's birthday. I'm grateful to God for granting her another wonderful year. He is faithful. I'm obviously dedicating this entire post to Funmi. She's worth it and much more.

I met Funmie in 2002. We have been inseparable since then...and I do not mean this in a romantic way. She's fine, but she is not that fine. Funmie is the bestest friend a gal could wish for. She's kind, she's loving, she's generous, she's sweet, she's funny, she's dumb, she's nice (a little too nice sometimes...but anyway)... and she's beautiful - inside and out.

At the risk of sounding queer, I must admit that Funmi has spoilt me, and continues to spoil me. When I did not have a car, she would come to my house in the morning to gimme a ride – even though I never asked her to (okay, maybe I asked her a few times). And it was not like my house was even on her way. She actually went out of her way to pick me up.

She always comes to my house to chill with me on my birthday, and she always buys me cake. She has bought me sooo many shoes that I have lost count. E don tey since Funmi dey spoil me ooo! She always buys me just-because gifts. The man who ends up with Funmi will be the luckiest man (after the man that marries me, of course. LOL). And her culinary skills are da bomb!

When I started writing Every Woman, Funmi was so into it, and was so determined to make me write that she started buying me stuff for every chapter I wrote. Come on, how many friends will do that?? For every blog post I put up – no matter how insignificant it may be, Funmi takes out time to leave comments. Funmi is my biggest fan.

If anything were to arise tomorrow, I can trust Funmi to be by my side. If I should find myself in the middle of a scandal tomorrow, I can trust Funmi to still take my side. She may yell at me privately, but outside, she will defend me. Recent events have proven that she will not wash her hands of me when the going gets bad; she’ll stick with me – which is why I have promised her a permanent spot in the boot (trunk) of my future Range Rover. LOL.

Funmi is a rare gem. I will not give her up for anything. Funmi is just like Panadol – if e no be Funmi, e no go fit be like Funmi. Where else will I find a friend whose shoe and bra I can share? And if you care 2 know, no, we do not share thongs. I may have stolen a few new thongs, but that’s what friends do, right?

My prayers for Funmi:

1. May you be all that you aspire to be in life.
2. May God grant you long life & prosperity.
3. May you not ever be far away from me.
4. May you always be available to cook egwusi soup for me.
5. May you continue to spoil me.
6. May we continue to have the same shoe and bra size – so we can continue to share. By the way, where’s my white strapless bra???
7. May you have at least one child on my birthday – Jan 14th.
8. May you stay beautiful – inside & out.
9. May you always have reasons to smile and show off your gorgeous dimples.
10. May you learn to ride a bicycle. Riding the immobile bike in the gym does not count as knowing how to ride a bicycle. Somebori, please tell her.
11. May you always remain my one & only Fufustic Fufu (yes, this is a name I made up for Funmie)

Funmie, some day, I’ll make the money you have been dreaming about, and then perhaps, I can spoil you a little bit. If you want, we can even go on a honeymoon trip, just the two of us. Just say the word, love.

Happy Birthday! I love you to bits.

…Oya, start wishing my Funmi a happy birthday.

And by the way, Funmi... I did not type this post in light of recent events. I typed this up ever since...which is why I was asking for your picture. I had no intention of "editing" it. And I did not edit this post either.
May 05, 2008
11:35
Does This Mean That I Am No Longer Anonymous??
» ‎ Read entry @ My Life - Uncensored & Unscripted
On Saturday, May 3rd, I attended a get-together celebrating the 5th birthday of Nigerian Village Square. I was invited by Dimaanu, one of the members of NVS. I wasn't gonna go...cause you know I am anonymous *cough*, but Dimaanu used her sweet mouth to convince me to come. I was supposed 2 go with Uju and Funmi, but I ended up going with only Uju. Funmi had some issues with her job, and could not get off work early enough.

I'm really glad I went. I met lots of beaurriful people - inside and out.
- I met Big K - the founder & administrator of NVS. He's soooooo down to earth. He came all the way from Chicago. I had to beg him 2 stop dancing Yahoozee b4 the Yahoozee police arrests him for "overdancing"
- I met Dimaanu, and she was just as sweet as the egwusi soup she cooked. I was gonna pour some of the soup in my purse sef, but as per first impression, I didn't want 2 disgrace myself - YET
- I met Wayo Guy, but contrary to his name, there is nothing wayo about him. He actually hosted us. And he had a very lively personality.
- I met Baba Boyz - a very funny guy. Easy to talk to, and a great sense of humor. He asked me about Mr. Kisser; he wanted to know if it was a true story. Sadly, Mr. Kisser really does exist.
- I met Atomic Kitten - this kitten was very atomic indeed. Na oversexy dey do am. (I learnt the term 'oversexy' from Mr. Total Package)
- I met Omojeje - she could not stop dancing & smiling. I think she was blushing for me. What can I say? We had kemistry. LOL
- I met African Chiquito No. 1 - and she refused to reveal her real name, but as fate will have it, I have found out the name she has been hiding. I was not seeking the in4mation oo. I was jejely sitting down, and gbam, information came & met me. Who am I to reject such inifo?
- I met Arseyme - another beaurriful babe. She seemed quiet and shy, but who knows sef? If a loud trouble maker like Uju can come across as shy, then the possibilities are endless.
- I met Churchill Okonkwo & his gorgeous wife whose name I cannot remember at this time, but they are a beaurriful couple.
There were so many others, but my mind is kinda running blank right now, so bear with me. But it was really nice meeting them all. We're looking forward to having a bigger party next year. Big K has appointed me as one of the organizers. Oh boy!
The thing I love most about NVS is its maturity and intellectuality. Some of these other forums are filtrated with small pikins that cannot contribute anything to one's intelligence. If anything, they suck your brain cells. NVS, on the other hand, is filled with beaurriful, smart people - you know kind of like me. LOL. So if they say smart, beaurriful people should come out now, I go follow comot abi? LOL.
So now that I have revealed myself AND taken pictures which are now on the internet (although I was not tagged in any of the pictures), does that mean I am no longer anonymous?? Well, I'm still anonymous. That's my story & I'm sticking to it! After all, there are some people that still don't know what I look like. But kai, it's so much easier to not be anonymous. I'm tired of hiding. The fact that I write with my real name makes it even harder. *sigh*
Of course, I took lotsa pictures of everyone (including myself). I woulda put up pictures of some of the villagers, but I did give them my word that I wasn't gonna put them on my blog. Since I am a woman of her words - except 4 instances where I change my mind, I will not post their pictures.
If you are not a member of NVS, you should do so now. [www.nigeriavillagesquare.com] You won't regret it.
Meanwhile, please take a moment to read my new article: By Their Looks, You Shall Know Them. And don't forget 2 leave comments o!
Shallom.

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